When I was young, I saw football games at the great big stadium
Could tell the fans from out of town by the clown suits they had on
20,000 red cowboy hats means Cornhuskers to you
Mickey Mouse beans with tiger ears shows you cheer ol' Mizzou
Let's not forget the Razorbacks From the U. of Arkansas
With plastic pig snouts on their heads, sooeeeing, "How 'bout them Hawgs?"
That's mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
Mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
I work all week at a job I hate
Where everything goes wrong
Weekends are what I live for
To your church I belong
I cross the street in San Francisco when a chump comes out of a bar
Yelling "Forty-fuckin-Niners, man" with his gold and red jacket on
In Cleveland, throwing dog biscuits shows how much you love them Browns
While Bronco fans just hang their heads when the Superbowl comes around
Raider jacket dollars got the White Sox wearin' black
Statues of Joe Paterno sold in gift shops at Penn State
That's mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
Mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
Don't make fun of religious rituals in any place
Lord help you if you laugh while they do this with a straight face
Outside of the United States it gets even more bizarre
In Tokyo they got a baseball team they call the Carp
The Salmonbellies are the pride of New Westminster, B.C.
C'mon Greg Werkman, what's a Hoosier? And why do they throw chairs?
When Sudbury, Ontario's hockey team scores a goal
They drag a stuffed wolf across the ice
A fan shot at it once, ya know
That's mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
Mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
Blue Streak, Horned Frogs Longhorns, Trojans
Someone better tell Tipper Gore about the names of these here teams
Tar Heels, Gamecocks, Blue Devils, Crimson Tide
Real Indians sick of Redskins and tomahawk chops
It seems to me that to stay mean these names should change with time
The New York Muggers, Detroit Murders and Chicago Mob
Boston Bigots, Texas Swindlers and the L.A. Cops
Miami Drugs, New Jersey Dumps take on the Denver Smog
Seattle Fads, New Orleans Hoods, Milwaukee Cannibals
San Diego Jarheads and the Arizona Drought
Mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
Mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
Go, Carp, go
Salmonbellies rule
Hit 'em harder, Cops
But a hockey team called The Mighty Ducks?
Heads explode when Dallas Oswalds meet Washington Bribes
Home team band plays Cop Killer when L.A. comes to town
Pittsburgh Polluters, Houston Drive-Bys, don't stir near the fear
When the Florida Abortion Bombers meet the San Francisco Queers
Mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
Mascot mania
Mascot mania, uh-huh
Uh-huh
Anywhere you go, the game's the same old thing
Bet your money on the Bribes
They always win
Mascot Mania Lyrics performed by Jello Biafra are property and copyright of the authors, artists and labels. You should note that Mascot Mania Lyrics performed by Jello Biafra is only provided for educational purposes only and if you like the song you should buy the CD