Abbott: How do you
how do you like my lawn club for St. Lou?
Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game!
Abbott: Well it should be.
Costello: Hey, Abbott
Abbott: What?
Costello: I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team.
Abbott: Why not?
Costello: So you the manager?
Abbott: I'm the manager!
Costello: Well, you know, I'd like to know some of the guys' names on the team so when I meet 'em on the street or in the ballpark I'll be able to say, "Hello," to those people.
Abbott: Why sure I'll introduce you to the boys. They give 'em funny names though, St. Lou.
Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names.
Abbott: Well, let's see, on the team we have uh Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys' names?
Abbott: I sure do.
Costello: Then tell me the guys' names.
Abbott: I say, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third and then you
Costello: You the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys' names?
Abbott: I'm telling you their names!
Costello: Well who's on first?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin' first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: What are you askin' me for? I'm askin' you!
Abbott: I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.
Costello: You ain't tellin' me nothin'. I'm askin' you, who's on first?
Abbott: That's it!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy on first base.
Abbott: That's his name.
Costello: That's whose name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That's the man's name!
Costello: That's whose name?
Abbott: Yeah!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: What are you askin' me for? I'm askin' you, who's on first?
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: What's the guy's name on first?
Abbott: No, What's on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second!
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: That's what I'm askin' you! Who's on first?
Abbott: Now wait a minute. Don't
don't change the players.
Costello: I'm not changin' nobody! I asked you a simple question. What's the guys' name on first base?
Abbott: What's the guy's name on second base.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second!
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third. Now we're not talking about him.
Costello: Look, you got a first baseman?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Then tell me the fella's name playin' first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin' first.
Abbott: That's his name.
Costello: Wait
What's the guy's name on first base?
Abbott: What is the guy's name on second base!
Costello: Who's playin' second?
Abbott: Who's playin' first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third base.
Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, don't you?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Does he give you a receipt?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: How does he sign the receipt?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that you give the money to.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That's how he signs it.
Costello: That's how who signs it?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's who?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesn't he have to sign the receipt?
Abbott: He does!
Costello: Well how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That's how he signs it!
Costello: You! You
You just don't give money to someone without having 'em sign the receipt!
Abbott: No! Who signs it.
Costello: What are you askin' me for?
Abbott: Now calm down. I'm not asking you, I am telling you. The
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. What's the guy's name that signs the receipt on first base?
Abbott: Well now wait a minute. What signs his own receipt.
Costello: Who signs his own receipt?
Abbott: No, Who signs his.
Costello: I'm askin' you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper
Abbott: Yes, now wait
Costello:
he puts his name on it.
Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it
Costello: How
Abbott:
and what puts his name on it
Costello: How does the fella's name on first base look to you when he signs his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: To you.
Abbott: That's how it does.
Costello: How does it look to you?
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who! Look
Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you?
Abbott: Now that's how it looks. Who.
Costello: HóHow
Who?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: I'm askin' you. What's the guy's name on first base you give the money to?
Abbott: Who! After all, the man's entitled to it
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Whose wife?
Abbott: Yeah, sure.
Costello: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base
Abbott: What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's
Costello: Third base, I know.
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: You got a outfield?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.
Abbott: Well I just thought I'd tell you.
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why!?Costello: Hmm
Because!
Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.
Costello: Oh
Abbott: Told you all these players got
Costello: All I'm tryin' to figure out is what's the guy's name in leftfield.
Abbott: Now, What's on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know
Both: Third base.
Costello: You got a pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Wouldn't be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: What's his name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
Abbott: I'm telling you.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!?Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not
Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Both: Third base!
Costello: You got a catcher?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The catcher's name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. You don't wanna tell me, today
tomorrow
do you?
Abbott: I'm telling you.
Costello: So the catcher's name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
Abbott: Now you've got it!
Costello: Now I've got it
Abbott: Hey!
Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team!
Abbott: Well I can't help that.
Costello: All right. You know now, I'm a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and
and Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!
Abbott: Well that's
That's all you have
Costello: That's all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now who's got it?
Abbott: Naturally. Now you've got it.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get the ball! Now who's got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No, no, no, no
Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball and
Nató
Abbott: You throw the ball to first base.
Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No!
Costello: Naturally gets the ball and
and
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That's what I'm saying!?Abbott: You're not saying it
Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: No you don't!
Costello: I throw it to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That's what I'm saying!
Abbott: No it isn't.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it.
Abbott: So Who gets it.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Same as you!
Abbott: Now listen
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: He better get it! So I throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: All right.
Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play.
Abbott: Could be.
Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Abbott: What'd you say?
Costello: I said, I don't give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop!
Who's On First? Lyrics performed by Abbott And Costello are property and copyright of the authors, artists and labels. You should note that Who's On First? Lyrics performed by Abbott And Costello is only provided for educational purposes only and if you like the song you should buy the CD