Welcome
Welcome
Welcome
To this great arena
Durham, North Carolina
In the heart of the Research Triangle
We've come to this particular place tonight
Because we gotta look at things from every angle
We need some answers to some complicated questions
If we're going to get it right
To that end we have here gathered
Some of the most expensive scientists in the world
Eminent scientists, that is
We got biologists, biometricians
We got a quantum mechanic and an astrophysician
We got a cosmologist and a cosmetician
Wevgot an astronaut
We got Astroboy
We got he doctors, she doctors, knee doctors, tree doctors
We a got a lumberjack
And a life coach
On the other side
We have the true believers
We got the Baptists, the Methodists, the Presbyterians
The Episcopalians are here
Pass the hat
We got the Shakers, the Quakers
The anti-innoculators
We got the Big Boss Line, it's Madison time
The Six Blind Boys, Five Tons of Joy
Give them room
Get out of the way
We got a Bible Belter from the Mississippi Delta
Have them all arrayed
Scientists!
Are you ready?
First question: dark matter
Oh, dark matter
Give me someone knows something about space
(Nice space music, Georgie)
Alright, what is it?
Where is it?
And can we get some?
Stand up, sir, would you?
You are standing, forgive me
Dark matter, go ahead
Dark matter is out in space
It's 75% of everything
Just a moment, sir
Do yourself a favor
Use our music
People like it
And your music's making people sick
No? Alright. It's a free country, go ahead
Dark matter
What is it?
We don't know what it is
But we think it's everywhere
I'd like to take a look at it
Can we get some down here?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Of course not!
Let me get this straight
You don't know what it is
You don't know where it is
And we can't get any
Put that to the one side
Let's put the Lord, faith, eternity, whatever on the other side
A show of hands?
I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time
I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time
Yes I will, yes I will
Yes I will, yes I will
I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time
Alright
One-nothing
Next one is gonna be a hard one
It's about the theory of evolution
And it's about animals also
So give me someone knows something about evolution
And animals.
Who you got?
Wow, you're a beautiful woman, aren't you?
It doesn't matter, of course
But if this science thing doesn't work out for you
Don't boo, don't boo me
I'm just kidding, you know that
Here's my question:
Explain me the giraffe
Go ahead
Elaborate?
With pleasure, miss.
The giraffe, to survive, must eat leaves high up on the yaba yaba tree
That's true, isn't it?
Of course it is
Everyone knows that
But Mr. Darwin's giraffe
A halfway giraffe with a halfway-giraffe neck
Could never have reached the highest branches of the yaba yaba
Therefore he could not have survived
It's only common sense
Unfortunately for you, Mr. Charles Darwin didn't have any common sense
Evolution is a theory and we have just now tonight disproved it.
Show of hands?
I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time
I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time
Yes I will, yes I will
Yes I will, yes I will
I'll take Jesus every time!
Alright, two-nothing
Next question:
Global warming
Is it?
And if so, so what?
Sir!
One of the true believers seeks to be recognized!
Hand him a mic, Charles
Thank you
Sir, do you know what you are?
You're an idiot
You're a strawman
A fabrication
You see, the author of this little vignette, Mr. Newman,
A self-described atheist and commonist
Creates characters like you
As objects of ridicule
He doesn't believe anything he has you say
Nor does he want us to believe
Anything you say
It makes it easy for him to knock you down
Hence, a straw man
I myself believe in Jesus
I believe in evolution also
I believe in global warming
And in life everlasting
No one can knock me down
Oh, we can knock you down, mister
We can knock your commonist friend down too
Commonist! You call me an idiot
We've been knocking people like Mr. Newman down
For years and years
Like this
Page 35, Georgie
Miss Dorothy
Page 35
I know someone is watching me
Everywhere I go
Someone sees everything I see
Knows everything I know
When I'm in trouble
Don't have a friend
There's still somebody on whom I can depend
Someone who'll be there till the very end
Someone is watching me!
Someone is watching me!
Someone is watching me!
For so long, I was too blind to see
Someone is watching me
We're gonna take a little break, ladies and gentlemen
15, 20, 25 minutes
Depending on how the merchandise is moving
We'll be right back
The Great Debate Lyrics performed by Randy Newman are property and copyright of the authors, artists and labels. You should note that The Great Debate Lyrics performed by Randy Newman is only provided for educational purposes only and if you like the song you should buy the CD